I need you to work out in your head what you want from me. I've sat around and listened for hours to you complaining about the fact that I need to change, I need to be better, I need to stand up for myself, I need to decide this and that. But I've had enough. I really truly have, for once in your life stand up and say I need you to do this. Don't humour me, if you don't want me around don't play about with me, I told you not to use me but clearly you heard that but you didn't listen to it. Right now, I feel like during the last week all you've done is use me so you can have money to go out drinking, now, if I already have low self esteem issues do you not think that makes them slightly worse? If you've got new women on the horizon, just tell me. I want to be your friend, not your girlfriend. Because I've learnt that I'm never gonna be the person that I wanted to be, but that's okay because I won't let you hurt me again like that. 3 times is more than enough for anyone. I just want you to be there for me and not think that I'm trying to jump into bed with you everytime I talk to you. I will always find you attractive, painful as that is to admit but that's how it goes. It doesn't mean that I want you to commit your life to me or anything ridiculous. I loved you for a year I don't know how to get over that, but damn it I'm doing pretty well at it right now. Just stop confusing me and work out what you want because right now, I've had enough of you entirely and if that's what you want then well done, you got just what you wished for.
Ella. xx
